Etikettarkiv: self portrait

Redhead bedhead

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My feet, through the lens of Instagram

I started blogging in english instead of swedish at the end of January, when I went to Gotland and got pneumonia. At the same time I more or less lost interest in keeping the blog updated. I don’t think it is because I am writing in english, but you never know. I have quite a good grip on the language, but perhaps it’s the language that is keeping me from posting as often as I’d like.

I started writing in english because I wanted my non-swedish friends to be able to read withouth having to go through Google translate. I am not sure how many of you that are actually reading though, so I actually started a new poll to see if it’s worth the time to write in english instead of swedish, where my language IS more fluent and close-to-heart. Please take your time to chose the option that makes most sense to you.

There are pros and cons with writing in english. Pros – I have the opportunity to be read by people from outside of Sweden. When I comment on american blogs the bloggers can actually peek back and understand what I am saying. Cons –  it is not my mother tongue, and there are so many pretty and/or silly swedish words I can’t use.

Anyway. Yesterday I bought new shampoo and conditioner for my poor, damaged hair – Aussie Color Mate. It must be my imagination, but after one shower using the new products I think I can already notice a difference. o_O
The plan is to have my hair repaired and then see if I can actually get ALL of my hair in one colour, instead of this brown-red rainbow thing I’ve got going on at the moment. Goddamnit, I look HAWT in red hair and I don’t want all this brown-green-yellow~ish I’ve got going on.

Ohwell. POLL people! Answer it! Please? :3

[poll id=”3″]

Snarling bunny is not amused

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A lot of things are stressing me out right now. Most of them are easy to solve and will be taken care of today/tomorrow/during the weekend, but until they’re fixed I will be all wired up. Ohwell.

The living room is almost finished! It looks really good with white walls, so I hope that this will help us get this apartment sold. So far we’ve fixed two rooms (kitchen+living room) and we are going to paint the fugly bed chamber too, but yeah. I think that’ll have to wait a little while. Or I’ll just go bananas and start painting it this weekend… Probably not, though. The furniture in there is too heavy for a tiny zombie like me to move, so I’ll just leave that to Nath since he is the one who was going to paint in there.

I was at the movies the other night and saw Avengers. All in all a pretty good movie, but it is really overrated and I can’t really see how ALL OF MY FRIENDS thinks that this is the best movie evarrrrr and so forth. Too many cheesy jokes and logic flaws for my taste. And then I started to think: Am I too cynical? I don’t laugh at that much nowadays. I watch Big Bang Theory and it hardly makes me smile, and at the same time everyone else are rolling on the floor laughing. There ARE things that make me giggle like a school girl or laugh like a madman, but I just don’t stumble upon them very often, so perhaps I am just really numb when it comes to excessive feelings? Bah. Instead of laughing with the rest of the audience at all the very obvious jokes (the ones you see coming from a mile away…) I merely got annoyed that they would go for slapstick and such boring jokes. Agh!

So, um. I guess I am just really boring. Or hard to please, could go either way.

Tomorrow Nath is going to host a Magic the Gathering party here, so we will have 6 other nerds in the kitchen. Me and Nath counted in; 8 of us. I will perhaps be going out for a beer after the first couple of games, but that is yet to see. Rumor has it we will have cake and beer while playing, so I might just as well just stay in to spend the evening with the Magic dorks ;)

I feel pretty, now I have value!*

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Photography: Mia Schlyter

Just got out of the shower, after putting some more dye into my hair and eyebrows. Now, for a week or two, I will feel like spooktactular Zombie again, before the roots are visible again and the brows have lost their red touch. Ohwell. I will feel pretty at least for a while! ;)

Apart from some sidetracking and labyrinthine thoughts of the dark kind, I am still high on happiness and love here. I can’t believe that I will be working for a new company in just two months! Yes, I repeat myself, but fuck you because I am happy and this is MY blog :P

Looking forward to this weeken when I will go out clubbing with Lotta. Finally time for some Distortion again! And if I can find a fitting top I will be wearing my uber-tight leopard spandex pants. They are so tight and thin they make me look nekkid. And, um, leopard spotted. Err. Anyway! Awesome ass amirite? (not really, but I will pretend I look good in them and my good friend Alcohol will help out there ^^)

I am also hoping that Paret Hårdrock will be joining me! I went out for a beer with them last month which was really fun, and also much more rock ’n’ roll than all the tweenyboppers and fashionistas and their blog meet-ups. We listened to some rough music and had beer, so yeah. Metal! .\,,/

Today I am still hungover from the wine I had on monday. My original plan was to spend Walpurgis finishing the paint job in the living room, but Thomas decided that I should go to Gothenburg to party with him and his friends so he actually drove all the way to Scania to pick me up. The fuck? Well, that was awesome and I had a really good time, even though I somehow finished a *whole* bottle of red wine (Motörhead Shiraz, ofc) and ended up falling asleep on the couch when the rest of the people were listening to music on Youtube. Ohwell. I am tiny and pretty cute when I sleep so people are mostly OK with me falling asleep randomly :)

Still got one wall left to paint in the living room though, but I will do that tomorrow since Nath is working late today and I can’t move the heavy furniture on my own. Urgh. Damn these thin arms of mine ;(

Ohwell. Kisses and hugs, kiddos ^_^

*if you know where this quote is from you’ve got my undying love! Or at least some of it :3

Squeee! \o/

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So yeah, I kept this on the down-low because I didn’t want to say anything until I knew the outcome. I applied for a new job and yesterday I got news that I GOT THE JOB! So, July 1st I will switch to my new job, and hopefully I will be moving to Malmö aswell. Squeee! It took me an hour yesterday to stop shivering, haha ^_^

So yeah. Happy Zombie is happy indeed! :3

Do yourself a favor: Don’t even TRY to understand me

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Photography: Ricard Hellberg

I always try to never put my happiness in the hands of others. I hate it when I get provoked by the actions of others to feel a certain way. When people do not respond when I need contact I feel rejected and it depresses me. When people respond in a way that exceeds my hopes I get overly joyous from it. This is, of course, normal. Everyone want the approval of their peers and anything that confirms you as a worthy human being is a positive thing.

I love getting compliments, even though it kind of always make me a bit weirded out. It depends of course on the compliment and who it is that gives it, but yeah. Most of the time I just think it’s weird that people find me somewhat attractive, even though I am also aware of the fact that I AM pretty attractive. This is about me being very complex. A self-loathing narcissist, if you so will. I feed on emotions and I need all the attention even though I get paranoid when I actually *get* the attention. I will not ever understand myself, because I find that I am never happy with anything. People give me too many compliments? Egads, stop creeping over me. People give me too little attention? Ohmygod, am I that unattractive?? …you get the point. I just wish I was an easier person to be around, because I understand that I am a handful, that people think I am annoying and impossible to please.

I want to make my own happiness. I don’t want to strive to get the approval of others all the time, I want to be able to find myself and to keep myself and to love myself. I just want to have a healthy relationship with myself, because I am kind of stuck with myself for a while you know?

Also, do you realize how much ENERGY it takes to be a self-loathing attention-thirsty narcissist? I get exhausted from even trying! lol. Also, as with everything I share here, I am not fully honest/serious. There are always exceptions and I think I make it look worse than it actually is. I am not crazy, I am not an attention whore and I don’t hate myself THAT much. I just need to vent, that’s all. …and now I need to figure out how to stop letting others decide my mood for me. Unless I can find some good fanboys to keep me on top of my game, haha ^^

Also, this made me lol.

Witchery

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Photograhpy: Ricard Hellberg

By now you are all probably aware of the fact that I am a control freak, at least of this is not your first visit to my blog. But then you should be aware of it anyway from reading that first sentence so yeah. Control freak.

BUT. Every now and then I get some really crazy urges that I want and need to do stuff. Like when I tried to find someone to take a beer with me at 10PM yesterday, after having spent the day at home being perfectly happy with working on my own and watching movies. I was all dressed up with nowhere to go, as the saying goes. Now I found out that there’s a masquerade party in Gothenburg on friday that I’d like to go to, but unless I find anyone to go with and somewhere to sleep it’s not going to happen. I am not going to do the same mistake as when me and Ricard went to Deep and were going to take the first train home. Also, I think the club in Gothenburg closes earlier than 5AM..?

Anyway. Will most likely just stay at home anyway, but yeah. I like dressing up and even though I don’t have that much to chose from (lies!) I think I could get some kind of cool outfit going :)

I don’t know why I get these impulsive urges. It’s always been like that, and as long as I can still work some kind of PLAN into it I don’t mind. I have written about this before; about my trip to Denmark and about the LARP I went to last summer, where I had absolutely no plans except for when the bus/plane was leaving. I know how stressed out I can get and that it’s not unusual that I get some kind of panic attacks from this, so I don’t know why I keep trying to force myself into these situations where I don’t have the control I need. I am a strange creature, that’s for sure.

But yeah. It would have been nice to have been going out for a beer yesterday. Perhaps I can find someone to go for a beer with me today..? Problem is I don’t know if I am in the mood for going out today, haha :D

I just need to break down the awkward and shy side of me and work on the outgoing version. I can do it, right? Ganbatte ne! (>^.^)>

I’ll keep you updated on my progress :P