I get really bored while online. No one to talk to, and helgon still don’t work. It’s pissing me off. I’ve got some stuff to do at home, but I really don’t feel like it, so that’ll have to wait.
Most of all, I feel like shopping. But hey, guess how much money I’ve got? 6 SEK! That’s soooo lame. Really.

I’m onto defrosting som chicken; thought I should eat some chicken and strips tonight :) Like we say in sweden: Man tager vad man haver. And my mom filled my freezer some weeks ago, which I had totally forgotten. I can hardly wait ’til it’s time to eat :) Mm, chicken.

Back to work, today. Felt good – it was something to do besides sitting by my computer!
Feel like swimming today, but on the other hand – I don’t feel like it :p
Hard to understand, me? Naaah. Not really ;)

Happy happy joy joy is finding 40 SEK hidden in the kitchen. That means I was able to buy milk and ham and to create some scrambled eggs for dinner, hooray!
Yet, I’m hungry again. I’ve got nothing to eat, and no money to buy food for. (and I’ve got total angst thinking of my salary this month: I don’t think it’s enough to pay the rent, less to buy food or DO ANYTHING. I suck bigtime at living by myself :( )

Did some updating in my online gallery today; Played dress-up as a princess and took some weird photos. Behold! The Nightmare! –> www.mirick.se/vidunder <– (err, there’s also some pictures of me in corset and thigh-highs, but I like them princess ones better!)

And still… I’m happy, but I don’t know how to feel :p
I want to just …scream out my feelings, letting everyone know, but then again: some things are better left unsaid. For the moment. I don’t like revealing myself to much, I want to be mysterious about some things. But, it’s not like I don’t tell ANYONE, just that I don’t tell EVERYONE.

Helgon.net is down. Fuck them guys, it just keeps struggling and struggling. I want to log in! Write my diary, answer my msg’s and …I don’t know, just BE THERE. But noooo, why work when we can be disabled? Blasted.
And you all know it: Hi, my name’s Carina and I’m addicted to internet, and especially Helgon.net. (Hi Carina!)

I’ve got my reasons. I most certainly do.
Almost a month ago my older sister, Anna, passed away while sleeping. So, I haven’t exactly been motivated enough to write anything, not while keeping to blogs (one in swedish, at helgon.net) Sorry.
It’s been very hard to cope with, and I still really don’t get it. It’s been the Medieval Times Week here on my island, and I just can’t wait to call my sister and gossip about all the things I’ve been a part of …and then I somehow realize that I can never, not ever, talk to her again. Never hear her voice (and it frightens me, trying to keep the memory of her voice intact, not forgetting her, not letting her go), never hear her laughter, never feel the warmth of her sunny embraces. I’m sorry, but I will most certainly nag about her for a looong while now. She is a part of me, a part I will never let go. Anna, I love you, now and forever. (and I miss you more than words can tell, I miss you so much it hurts.) (…and it hurts more than I want to understand, so it leaves me numb.)

Other than that…
Two weeks vacation. I really needed it; I’ve got so much on my mind that I really haven’t felt like working, being nice. I’ve been away for a while, visiting friends in Sweden. Drifting off…

It’s been a nice week. I’ve spended some time with friends, and felt embraced by …friendship.
And, oh, Amanda is back home! It feels good, finally having her back. I’ve missed her.

(and I’ve been out adventuring a bit this week, tee hee. …but, um, some things are better off non-said, right?)