Allright-o, I know I’ve been bad not updating recently. But, it’s like this: I work from 8am-2pm, and then I’ve got a few hours to be absolutely free (mostly, I watch DH at that time) and after 6pm, WE ARE BUILDING THE BIGGEST TENT EVER. And I have to go to bed att 11pm to be able to get up at 7.30am. So… No time to blog. Except now, whilst I feel I have to come up with some kind of explanation. (like you even care :p)

I will be busy all week long; Tent-building, visit from sthlm, Midsummer, work and then, at monday, I’m of for a LARP, and I won’t be home again ’til next tuesday. So, uh, don’t expect any updates in two weeks, ok?

(fawk english, it’s not my language today..)

My hair is a mess. I hate it. But, I bought some kind of conditioner I put in it, and I’ll let it stay there for some hours. Perhaps it can do something for the damage; soften it up or something.

Had the weirdest dream… It was cute, but I woke up with a ”What the fawk?!” ringing through my ears. Uh, my dreams are not normal, heh. Suddenly I kinda understand why some people call me freak when I share my dreams. But, like I said; cute. And I will share it with the right person, the one involved. So there, you others can …mind your business :p

I’m told I’ll be able to watch Desperate Housewives ep. 15 in three hours; Luvly! I really hope it’s true – my computer likes lying to me. It’s kind of sadistic, when I think about it.

Oh, and by the way: STOP THINKING I WANT TO STEAL YOUR BOYFRIENDS! I’ve had it up to here to have to defend myself all the time. NO, I’m not flirting with them. NO, they’re not flirting with me. NO, I don’t want them. I know how to differ ”lovers” from ”friends”, even though you don’t seem to know it yourselves. Really. Had I wanted to steal guys, I’d been at it already. But you don’t see me wearing slutty clothes and giving your guys lapdances, right?
So give it up. I’m not interested. Taken guys doesn’t amuse me. Just …leave me be.
AND; respect your partners, ffs! Trust, aight?

There’s 52 ways to murder anyone
One or two are the same,
And they both work as well
I’m coming clean for Amy,
Julie doesn’t scream as well
And the cops won’t listen all night

And so maybe, maybe
I’ll be over
Just as soon as I fill them all in
And I can remember when I saw her last
We were running all around and having a blast
But the back seat of the drive-in
Is so lonely without you
I know when you’re home

I was thinking about you,
There was was something I forgot to say
I was crying on a Saturday night
I was out cruising without you,
They were playing our song
Crying on Saturday night

As the moon becomes the night time
You go viciously, quietly away
I’m sitting in the bedroom,
Where we used to sit and smoke cigarettes
Now I’m watching, watching you die

I can remember when I saw her last
We were running all around and having a blast
But the back seat of the drive-in
Is so lonely without you
I know when you’re home

I was thinking about you,
There was was something I forgot to say
I was crying on a Saturday night
I was out cruising without you,
They were playing our song
Crying on Saturday night

Yah. It’s saturday night, I’m tired and lonely but I’ll have to wait for a few more hours before I turn in; otherwise I will wake up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep more. (yeah, I KNOW I’ve got this reverse-insomnia-thingie going on, but I slept three hours in the afternoon, and that disturbs my nighttime sleep)

I’ve lost weight. I’m 3 kg’s down now, 57 kg. Why is that, I wonder?
I’ve got some plans about that, but I just wrote about them in swedish at helgon, so I really don’t feel like repeating them in english. Sowwy.

I’ve got a mark at my left cheek. About as large as an En-krona, and light red. It’s warm and it burns a bit, and I really have NO clue at all about what it can be. I noticed it yesterday evening when I got back from work, and I’m really curious about what it might be. Eric guessed it could be a sexually transmitted disease, but I SERIOUSELY doubt that, haha. Anyhooo… If anyone got any idea of what it might be, don’t hesitate to tell me.

I’m hungry, even though I ate an hour ago. What’s wrong with me?

And …all of a sudden, everyone is hitting at me at once. Well, uh, at least three boys. Haha. So, while I’m sitting, moping and whining, they all come online and start flirting. WTF? It saved my night, I can tell ^_^ Aww. It made me feel a lot less unattractive and boring :)
Well, perhaps I’m over-reacting, but it just felt …like sunrise. And now I’m happy again. Yay!

Tired today. Want to sleeeeeeep, but I’ve got to work in three hours. Working ’til 1 am, then home to sleep and get up to work again at 8 am. Mrargh! Well now. I’m free after 2 pm tomorrow, so I can sleep then. And …continue my sitting-by-computer.

Really. I know this is kind of rude (or just indecent) but I really really want to have sex. I NEED IT, ffs! It’s been app. 13 months, and …none. Can you understand how it gets to me? How crappy and unattractive it makes me feel? I need someone to touch me, hug me, make me feel wanted, needed. (sure, perhaps it’s desperate writing about this in my blog, but it’s SO getting on my nerves I can’t think properly)
I want to be seduced. I want it so bad I can’t even stop thinking about it. Sex, sex, sex. I just want it to stop, I just want to feel like a regular, decent girl again. This me being randy is soooo horrible. I feel like a tramp, too, for just thinking about sex.
(and, yeah, btw; this doesn’t mean anyone has the right to tell me ANYTHING; I still find it rude with people being frank about stuff like this to me, aight?)

Rawrr. And you know the worst part? IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN! I’m to shy, and no one wants me. Story of my life. I don’t have the guts to try to flirt with someone, and no one seems interested enough to take a chance and hint it to me. Blah. Yatta-yatta-yatta, just me being whiny tonight. …but still… I do miss having a loving arm around me at night.

Had I been of a different kind, living in a different place perhaps I could get me some. But now I’m ME, living in a fawking small island where everyone knows everyone and stories spread like fire. …and sometimes I just hate it so incredibly.

It isn’t even funny.

Took a walk last night. I live close by to an old military field, which lies right next to the see, and when I just couldn’t take any more of this sitting by my computer, I just brake loose and ran off to my see. It helped, a whole lot. At first I was frightened, afraid that perhaps someone would jump me and rape me, but then I just thought ”Heck, why would anyone be sittong out on these rocks hoping someone would pass by at night?”
I walked for an hour. It was a beautiful night, stars shining, the moon seeing its reflection in the ocean and the flowers smelling pretty. And it calmed me, just walking around, listening to Therion and being alone with my thougts.
I’ve got so many things to think of, things I don’t even NEED to think of. So, I kinda cleaned up my mess. Rebooted, started all over again. And now …I feel calmer, prettier. I feel more whole.
Just think what mother nature can do for you ^_^

Today I started cleaning up my place. After posting this, I will continue with my dishing and then I think I’ll hand-wash some clothes too. I feel …positive.
As it seems; Calm night at work tonight. Good! If that’s the case, I’m going to write a letter to Elenaria and if I’m allowed to get off earlier perhaps I’ll take another walk.

And, one other thing: I HATE having a good-looking ex. So, I need to find an even MORE good-looking new boyfriend. …or not, haha. I don’t care, really. It just pisses me off that he’s so perfect, and that he’s a pig. Nvrmnd.

”We like the moon
Cause it is close to us
We like the moon
But not as much as a spoon
Cause that’s more use for eating soup
And a fork isnt very useful for that
Unless it got many vegetables
And you might be better of with a Chop-stick
Unlike the moonIt is up in the sky
It is very high
But not as high as maybe as a Dirgeribil or a zeppelin or lightbulbs
And maybe clouds
And puffins i think also maybe
They go quite high too
But maybe not as high as the moon
Cause the moon is very high

We like the moon
The moon is very useful everyone
Everybody likes the moon
It lights the sky up at night
And it lovley
And it makes the tide go and we like it
But not as much as cheeese
We like cheese and zeppelins
We really like them and we like moose and we like kelp
And we like deer and we like marmots
And we like all the fluffy animals
We really like the moon”

Allright-o.
Might as well brief you about my weekend in Stockholm, right?
Well, first and most; It was fun. Nadine and her mother always make me feel right at home, and all honor to them for that. They are really kind and nice people, just so that ya know ^_^
Except playing with Nadine, I went bowling and pool playing with to internet friends of mine. I lost bigtime in bowling, even though I ought to win, but at least I won the pool game! Yay! Like I’ve always said; I’ve got killer skills in pool. ^^ …even though we somewhat happened to play at some kind of italian pool place, urgh. After listening to some weird ”absolute italia” I don’t think I can manage that kind of music ever again. …even though I won, haha.
Right-o. So, after the pool playing we went to a pub, where I, uh, accidentially got somewhat …drunkish. Like, very drunkish. Haha. Well, uh, let’s just say I couldn’t walk very well, neither sit very well. What Icould do was burning things using the candle at our table. That was fun-fun. (Heh, I drank two screwdrivers and that was one and a half to much for me. Like I’ve always said: I can’t handle my drinking that well.) All cred to Victor and Ville for not angrily deserting me in the middle of Stockholm while I was trying to stand straight and fool people that I wasn’t drunk at all. (I’ve got some dizzy memories of our way home from the pub; me being carried over a crosswalk for and example…)
Saturday… Hang-over. Eurgh. Dizzy and feeling ill, but I managed to get over it. Yay!
We went to Gutter saturday night, a club at the Harley Davidson boat. Swell! I was dressed in my Poppin’ Cherries (haha, that name!) corset, a vinyl skirt, net stockings with bows, a new pair of black hiheels and a somewhat low-cut shirt underneath. Nadine made the sweetest hair-do for me, and people said I looked a bit like Bree! (oh, the glamour, the glamour!) Our night out was nice, I enjoyed it all the time ^_^ (the only thing I didn’t enjoy just as much, though, was almost seeing two …um… not-so-sweet people having sex. I left that floor just in time.)

(btw, bowling in school uniform. …not the brightest of ideas. >_>)

I want to go back to Stockholm.
But hey, LARP in two weeks and right after that my friend, the nazi bunny, will come visiting. Hopefully he’ll bring his uniforms for me to see too ^_^
Mm… Uniforms. Nazi uniforms. (hey! I never said I wasn’t weird!)

Too-de-loo.