Etikettarkiv: meta

I feel pretty, now I have value!*

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Photography: Mia Schlyter

Just got out of the shower, after putting some more dye into my hair and eyebrows. Now, for a week or two, I will feel like spooktactular Zombie again, before the roots are visible again and the brows have lost their red touch. Ohwell. I will feel pretty at least for a while! ;)

Apart from some sidetracking and labyrinthine thoughts of the dark kind, I am still high on happiness and love here. I can’t believe that I will be working for a new company in just two months! Yes, I repeat myself, but fuck you because I am happy and this is MY blog :P

Looking forward to this weeken when I will go out clubbing with Lotta. Finally time for some Distortion again! And if I can find a fitting top I will be wearing my uber-tight leopard spandex pants. They are so tight and thin they make me look nekkid. And, um, leopard spotted. Err. Anyway! Awesome ass amirite? (not really, but I will pretend I look good in them and my good friend Alcohol will help out there ^^)

I am also hoping that Paret Hårdrock will be joining me! I went out for a beer with them last month which was really fun, and also much more rock ’n’ roll than all the tweenyboppers and fashionistas and their blog meet-ups. We listened to some rough music and had beer, so yeah. Metal! .\,,/

Today I am still hungover from the wine I had on monday. My original plan was to spend Walpurgis finishing the paint job in the living room, but Thomas decided that I should go to Gothenburg to party with him and his friends so he actually drove all the way to Scania to pick me up. The fuck? Well, that was awesome and I had a really good time, even though I somehow finished a *whole* bottle of red wine (Motörhead Shiraz, ofc) and ended up falling asleep on the couch when the rest of the people were listening to music on Youtube. Ohwell. I am tiny and pretty cute when I sleep so people are mostly OK with me falling asleep randomly :)

Still got one wall left to paint in the living room though, but I will do that tomorrow since Nath is working late today and I can’t move the heavy furniture on my own. Urgh. Damn these thin arms of mine ;(

Ohwell. Kisses and hugs, kiddos ^_^

*if you know where this quote is from you’ve got my undying love! Or at least some of it :3

Now I’m feeling zombiefied

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I started painting the living room yesterday, to rid us of the fugly yellow walls and to fix the holes in the wall. So, the room is going white instead. Will make it bigger, brighter and prettier. So far, so good :) Buuuuuut… I am aching all over today. So much PAIN. All muscles in my body are sore, and when I woke up this morning it took two extra hours of sleep to make the room stop spinning. Not sure i that was because of exhaustion or because of the fumes. Urgh.

So. Today this Zombie is really zombiefied. Mrrrrgh. Day will be spent in front of the computer watching movies/tv series/whatever I think. Or perhaps I’ll take a walk, if the sun comes back out again.

Still feeling high on happiness though ♥ \o/

Squeee! \o/

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So yeah, I kept this on the down-low because I didn’t want to say anything until I knew the outcome. I applied for a new job and yesterday I got news that I GOT THE JOB! So, July 1st I will switch to my new job, and hopefully I will be moving to Malmö aswell. Squeee! It took me an hour yesterday to stop shivering, haha ^_^

So yeah. Happy Zombie is happy indeed! :3

Money makes the world go around

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Been home from work for two days with a fever. I am bored and stiff, and I need social interaction! So, I am going back to work tomorrow, fever or no fever. I really can’t do with this sitting home alone, it bores me to teeeears.

So. I have spent today paying bills and spending money. Bought some cute jewelry and lip balms (with taste of Absinthe and Cotton Candy ♥) from Etsy, a couple of Stephen King books to extend my collection, a new set of headphones as my old one got a glitch, and found another million things I want and need. Ohgods I need more money. I have a list of waaaay too many things I want to get from all kinds of stores. Urgh. So yeah. Sugardaddy wanted!

After I managed to get away from the computer and all the pretty things that I made me go squeeee I went to rest on the couch and looked through a season of South Park. Also watched some Big Bang Theory, but I only watch that because I have a fangirl crush on one of the characters. Then again, one of the episodes actually made me giggle a little. Haters gonna hate, I just don’t find this very funny :P

Want to know something else? …I don’t like Lord of the Rings. HATERS GONNA HATE. :P

Oh hai, remember me?

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I’m still alive. I’ve just been …elsewhere. Doing other stuff. Not really been updating anything at all tbh, neither the blog, Facebook or Twitter has been given a lot of attention lately. Most popular media at the moment has been Instagram (I am posting as voodoobunny in case you want to add me :)) but yeah. I am about finished with the chain mail shirt for Robin, I just need to add some extra rings to it and it’s done. Yay!

Apart from that I don’t think I’ve done that much. I am trying to clean the apartment as much as possible, as we want to be able to bring the broker here ASAP to get this place sold. I applied for studies for the fall, in case my Plan A doesn’t work out in my advantage. Oh, I am
*so* wishing for Plan A, but yeah. There’s always good to have options :) Also, until the results are in I am not going to say more about it, so there. Neener neener.

I have also come to the realisation and conclusion that when I don’t force myself to update on a daily basis, I stop updating. This is kind of why I stopped blogging everytime I have tried this ;) So yeah. I guess I will be posting daily, boring updates again. Perhaps.

Do yourself a favor: Don’t even TRY to understand me

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Photography: Ricard Hellberg

I always try to never put my happiness in the hands of others. I hate it when I get provoked by the actions of others to feel a certain way. When people do not respond when I need contact I feel rejected and it depresses me. When people respond in a way that exceeds my hopes I get overly joyous from it. This is, of course, normal. Everyone want the approval of their peers and anything that confirms you as a worthy human being is a positive thing.

I love getting compliments, even though it kind of always make me a bit weirded out. It depends of course on the compliment and who it is that gives it, but yeah. Most of the time I just think it’s weird that people find me somewhat attractive, even though I am also aware of the fact that I AM pretty attractive. This is about me being very complex. A self-loathing narcissist, if you so will. I feed on emotions and I need all the attention even though I get paranoid when I actually *get* the attention. I will not ever understand myself, because I find that I am never happy with anything. People give me too many compliments? Egads, stop creeping over me. People give me too little attention? Ohmygod, am I that unattractive?? …you get the point. I just wish I was an easier person to be around, because I understand that I am a handful, that people think I am annoying and impossible to please.

I want to make my own happiness. I don’t want to strive to get the approval of others all the time, I want to be able to find myself and to keep myself and to love myself. I just want to have a healthy relationship with myself, because I am kind of stuck with myself for a while you know?

Also, do you realize how much ENERGY it takes to be a self-loathing attention-thirsty narcissist? I get exhausted from even trying! lol. Also, as with everything I share here, I am not fully honest/serious. There are always exceptions and I think I make it look worse than it actually is. I am not crazy, I am not an attention whore and I don’t hate myself THAT much. I just need to vent, that’s all. …and now I need to figure out how to stop letting others decide my mood for me. Unless I can find some good fanboys to keep me on top of my game, haha ^^

Also, this made me lol.

Me, the Frog Princess

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Feeling pretty today. To be honest I’ve been feeling pretty since I dyed my hair on friday. I like it better when it’s red, and as long as the eyebrows match it looks twice as good imo. I keep stopping in front of mirrors to stare at myself for a while, and then I pull up the cell phone to snap a picture but it doesn’t look at all like what I see in the mirror. The camera hates me, it’s a well-known fact. Yes, I can look really good on pictures, but the good ones are 1 in 20 (if I’m lucky) and then it doesn’t even look like *me*.

I’ve always felt like the ugly duckling. I had some ”friends” who were very good at telling me about all my faults and flaws when I was younger (I’ve mentioned this before) and it doesn’t take too long before you start thinking that they must be right. I didn’t start getting attention from boys until the summer when I was sixteen and hung out with a gang of 7 guys who were visiting Medeltidsveckan. I felt like a confused kid in a candy store, all these guys giving me compliments and trying to get my attention, what’s up with that? I was paranoid and suspicious, of course. I was pretty sure they were only joking to hurt me. To this day I don’t know for sure, but with what I’ve learned from life so far I think that they actually found me pretty. It was that week, when I was sixteen and shy like a doe and dressed like a fool that I got my first kiss. I fell in love, of course. I was so happy for the attention and I mistook my feelings for love. In retrospect I understand that I was just fooling myself, but yeah. Anyway, it was nice being kissed :) I like that. Soft lips and a curious tongue :3

When I was 17, 18, 19 I had a lot of fanboys. I jokingly called them my harem, because it sounded cool and I was desperate to be cool. I never even hung out with them, we just chatted and they told me I was pretty. I was clinging onto those words of praise because they were so important to me. After having spent all my previous school years being the ugly ducking, the odd one out, the weird nerd – I was finally being accepted, adored and appreciated by my surroundings. Sure, I was still the weird one. People in school thought I was a dork or just too strange for them. Me… I was just trying to find myself. I was outspoke and enjoyed being weird, even though I still really just wanted to fit in. Not having any friends for 6 years will do that to a girl, believe me.

And then I got a boyfriend. I will not discuss that any further here, that was both a good and bad period in my life and I will leave it be (for now, perhaps I’ll talk about it in the future), but it was another step in me becoming a more self confident person. Not only did boys think I was pretty, one of them even fell in love with me! How nice is that?

Anyway. This is a longer story than I intended, haha. After breaking up with him I fell into a black pit, sort of, and even though I still had fanboys and some creeps trying to catch my attention I started to feel less pretty. Then I met my second boyfriend and felt all better again and blah blah blah.

Now I’ve been single for 1,5 years. It started off very bad, and I felt very miserable over the break up. And then last summer I started feeling on top of the situation. I still do. And now I look in the mirror and I say to myself: Damn girl, you hot!
…and then I pull up the cell phone to save the moment and to have something to look back to when I’m feeling miserable again, and my camera phone tells me that I look like crap. Haha ^^ Fuck you, camera!

I am not really a vain or shallow person. I appreciate personality over looks. But that really doesn’t mean that beauty is irrelevant to me, and that I don’t enjoy feeling like a goddamn doll whenever I look at myself. Days like today are the days I want to be able to look back to when I’m feeling less pretty.

So. Um. Wall of text, and yet again I think I lost the red thread somewhere half through. Long story short: I’ve always considered myself unpretty, then I realized I’m fucking hawt but I can’t capture it on a picture to show anyone. FML. :P Oh, and I like kissing. Mrrr :3