Etikettarkiv: gnäll

How am I supposed to keep track of all the changes?

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Yesterday it was embarrassingly obvious that I haven’t ben playing WoW for a very long time, and especially the warlock. Was in a heroic with Björn and three randoms, and the tank died. We were me (lock), two palas, one priest and one shaman, and when the pala tank died the healer started yelling for combat ressurrection. I lol’d and said that we had no druids in the party, upon which the healer left the party and the other pala called me a noob. I was really confused, but after asking my guru (Murck) it turned out that yes, Soulstones can be used for combat ressurrections since a long time back. Hepp. Good thing I know that know, but yeah. That was just crazy :D I haven’t really played the warlock since summer 2010 tbh, so I have no clue with all the changes.

Anyway. Weekend was pretty good. I am feeling better and I hope that I won’t get any more fever or cold or whatever, because I am dead tired of being ill after 3,5 week of illness. It makes me want to punch reality in the face, should I be honest here.

Next weekend I am going out to Wicked Mill Society with my brother and Lotta; a brand new burlesque club premiering in Malmö! And I refuse being ill then, because the tickets are already bought and we are all looking forward to this. I don’t think I’ll be wearing my usual red/black burlesque outfit, I’ve got something more omnious in mind that will be black/white which will be awesome. Pictures will come when I actually have assembled a proper outfit ;)

Had these weird dreams about bikes/cars that I had to fix before a race but the guy I was working for was just really hard to please because he had a lot of weird but strong opinions and his brother was really weird about it all. I had just entered their home when the alarm went off, I think it’s a good thing I didn’t have to spend more time with those two lol.

Meh.

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Well, when I said I was feeling feverish yesterday I wasn’t wrong. I left work earlier and went home to sleep, and when I woke up I had a fever of 39 degrees. Meh. Also, I’ve started coughing again. Feeling a wee bit better today but I don’t think I am in the clear here. Just because things are pretty OK right now (compared to yesterday) doesn’t really mean a thing. Hooray.

So, yeah. I will have to stay home from the party tomorrow. If I am still getting fevers I shouldn’t really leave the apartment. I will have to stay in bed/play computer games instead, even though it would be fun to get out and meet people. Again: Meh.

This means I have been ill for three weeks now. THREE goddamn WEEKS!? Overkill. MEH!

Ohwell. I need to get dressed for work and I hope that you all will keep your fingers crossed that the fever doesn’t return. I am supposed to be training some of our ”new” guys today so need to be able to stand up and answer questions and so forth.

Now I’m feeling zombiefied

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I am feeling very strange today. Almost feverish, but without having a fever. I think I may have been more or less awake half the night and that what I am feeling is sleep deprevation, but I am not sure. Not sure at all. I just know that I really want to go back to bed and sleep another couple of hours. I am drinking a glass of water as I write this, in the hopes that it will help. Don’t want to feel like this at work, that would indeed be sucky :/

There is something I am trying to achieve when dreaming, or lucid dreaming or what is going on. I could be awake too. I hate that I don’t know what is going on. But the last couple of nights I have been chasing some kind of scores, or tokens or something. I just never reach the goal. Meh. So I wake up/leave the bed and I feel incomplete and like a failure. Not a good start of the day, especially when mixed with feeling feverish and weirded out.

Ohwell. Hopefully I’ll feel better when I am properly awake and at work. Otherwise: It is thursday and in two days I can sleep all day if needed. Focus on the positives!

”I can’t breathe – I am choking on my lungs”

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The reason nothing is being posted here at the moment is that I have spent so far 12 days being ill. I was at the doctor’s this friday and was diagnosed with pneumonia, so I have another week of sick leave going on here and I am mainly trying to get as much rest as possible.

Sadly, this means that I am spending all day long sleeping on the couch, watching TV in between sleep and trying to get something to eat every now and then. I haven’t really eaten any real solid food since I got ill, but I am doing my best to get back to normal. Today is the first day I am actually starting to feel BETTER, which is lovely. As long as I refrain from coughing it is all peachy keen. I am under the impression that the new antibiotics I got yesterday (old ones made no difference in three days so the doctor gave me a new recipe) is working, and no matter if this is placebo or not I still approve of feeling better.

How weird everything got. I went away to Gotland to get a breather and to try to get a new start, instead I got influenza which evolved into pneumonia, and now I can hardly even remember being there. Good thing I got to spend ONE day taking pictures! Would be such a shame to go back home with NOTHING but feverish memories of the trip. Now I’ve got crazy feverish memories mixed up with lucid dreams AND about 200 pictures of a grey and stormy island.

Ohwell. I am going to go get some more rest now. And perhaps something to eat…

Take care :)

The Plague of Visby

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Giving it a try to get something posted. I haven’t really been able to sit straight during longer periods for a week now, but I feel the need to write and not just lie on the couch and stare at the day TV.

Last time I posted I had just gotten to my grandmother’s. I was feeling feverish and went to bed early. She’s a sweety but that bed is horrible. I didn’t sleep well at all, if I didn’t wake up from the fever or the coughing I woke up from the bed hurting my body. The plan was that I was going back to Eric on the friday, after me and grandma had gone to the cemetary to put some flowers on Anna’s grave, but I was so weak on friday I just stayed in bed all day. Same on saturday, but I could manage to move down to the couch for a while on saturday night to watch some criminal shows which was a relief. That small, brown room I resided it… It is cute and nice and homey in it’s own way, but not the funniest place to spend your ill days. Sunday I imagined I felt a bit better so I was actually up for a couple of hours waiting for Eric to drive me to the airport. My dear, sweet Eric ♥ My very best friend and I guess almost soulmate..?

I was afraid they wouldn’t let me on the plan due to the influenza, but they either didn’t notice or didn’t care. The flight was 15 minutes shorter than planned but it felt like it took twice the time. Rasmus from work was a true knight in a shining armor and actually picked me up from the airport to drive me home, which I really, really appreciated. Thank you! You saved my weekend, tbh ♥

I have been home from work all week so far. Fever still sneaks in from time to time, but mainly because I cough so my lungs hurt. Dry coughing. It hurts my tummy, my head and my lungs. Due to a bad combination of being depressed and having the flu (it is NOT the stomach flu!) I have lost 6 kilos during January. I look thinner, and of course I appreciate being closer to my weight goal, but this is not how I wanted to achieve success :(

I will be going back to get some rest now. I will try to write more here soon, but be patient please.

Lovely, pretty, beautiful Visby.

When things get from bad to worse

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The fever is a fact. I am freezing my sweet ass off and I am feeling way too hot, in a non-sexy way. I am weak and tired and my body aches. Not a very happy camper right now. Not in the least.

I bought a pretty pentagram in town. It is small and with something that reminds of an amethyst. Good stuff.

I am at my grandmother’s place right now. Watching really bad TV shows, but it makes her happy. Will go take a bath in a little while though, and hope that the hot water will make me feel better. Most of all I want to lie down to rest. Preferably in my own bed, but that is not a possibility. Miserable. I am, again, stuck in my head with all these thoughts.

Had a very good conversation with Amanda yesterday though. Helped me get some distance to everything that hurts me right now. It didn’t make everything magically allright, but it gave me some hope for the future. Thank you Amanda, and thank you Leo. You were both there for me yesterday when I needed you. I love you guys <3

Something wicked this way comes

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The anxiety is back. Angst. Feeling ill and empty. I kept it off me for a day and now it is back with full force. I try to fend myself against it, but it keeps getting harder.
I am better than this.

Spent the night at Leo’s and Amanda’s. Much needed. I think I had too much tea though – cut me and I will be bleeding lemon and honey. Will be going into town with Amanda in a little bit. The plan is to find an item of jewellry, something to keep me reminded of home. Witch stuff. Granny Weatherwax. I am channelling. And now I am ranting, so never mind.

Going to my grandmother’s tonight. Bath tub. Much needed, I feel an urge to be surrounded by hot water and a regular shower just won’t do. Blub blub.

The week is almost at an end. Three days left. Right now I feel that I would need another month here to re-charge. I need to feel Gotland beneath my feet. This is where I find my strength that I so much need. …I am very needy right now. And complainy, for all that matters. I AM better than this.

I need to go back to where I was, mentally, the day before yesterday. I was the witch and I was the wood spirit and I was the ocean. Today I am nothing. I AM BETTER THAN THIS.

Feeling ill. I started coughing yesterday, and I keep feeling hot. Meh. Stop that, I am miserable enough without being ill to boot!

Ohwell. Off to town we go.