Woke up at ten o’clock, feeling slightly hung-over and fell asleep again. Set the buzzer on eleven thirty, but woke up, thought ”What the heck!” and fell asleep again. At ten to three I got up, got dressed and sank down by my computer.
Thought for a while, and then sudden my hair turned black. Oops. :P
So, now I’m a true rockabilly kitten with hair as black as midnight. Also, I downloaded like the cutest album ever – Doo Wop Halloween. Totally adorable, really set me in the mood.

At half past nine I fell a sudden urge to go buy some sweets, but since I only had a robe on me, and didn’t feel like getting dressed again, I just put on a skirt and a jacket and ran off. Don’t think anyone noticed my state of undressness, either way – no one said a word. Hoho. While at it, I noticed that I look totally geisha-sweet wearing my robe to that skirt, since I had my hair in a bun, and wore my make-up as little wings by my eyes.

Tomorrow, I will skip and jump over to CSN, to ask them a thousand questions about everything that has anything to do with my American Dream. (California Dreamin’, ya know)
Then I have to talk to the bank, and to a estate agent. Mom said that the estate agent takes app. 5-6% in fee for selling off my sweet li’l home, but I’d better ask for myself.
Mom also said I should use the one she and dad’s using for selling off our old home, but …well… I looked at an apartment he was showing off last fall, and he kinda hit on me. Don’t know if I want to go to one-on-one meetings with him, haha. :P

There is a strange kind of feeling in my tummy. It’s like… dunno. Don’t kiss and tell, kind of.
Perhaps some things are better off unsaid? Don’t know if I ruined anything by telling, but one thing’s for sure: I don’t think I’ll ever know.
Anyhoo: Dreaming of spending the next Halloween in USA! Oh, it would be so cool!

Seriousely. For the moment, I just feel like dying. I’ve been awake for 11 hours, working eight and then played team vs. team bowling. My bowling skillz sucks, and it’s even worse now that I’m nearly dead. Argh. I haven’t even had enough time to eat! I ate half of a pizza, and that’s it. Try to bowl while in that position, will ya?

I’m going to take a shower now, and then go buy something to eat. The evening will be spent over at Eric, we’re going to watch Mst3k – Puma Man and party a bit. I’m looking forward to it. Tomorrow and the day after that I’m free from work, which is splendid. Got some stuff I have to do, and then just …relax. Get some rest, perhaps play a little with my camera and …dunno. Play some WoW? Oh.

Also, I have to talk to CSN monday, and when knowing what to do, I have to talk to the bank and the estate agent. (about selling my apartment, and what the tax-boom will be. Grr. Taxes. :( )

So. I’m off – heading for my shower!

Just got up. Dreamt something weird… Some kind of futuristic dream, I’m not too sure. I knew how to drive, heh… We were me and some of my friends, and we were some kind of super thieves, so we were at it trying to steal the worlds best chocolate. Me and Leo got caught trying to get to Huddinge or Uddevalla, not to sure, while we were trying to sneak us behind the enemy borders. It was an amusing, yet disturbing, dream. As usual.

I’ll be working in the bar tonight, which means I’ll quit between 2300 and 0100. And, um, according to Tova I’m meant to begin at seven tomorrow. Uh… Shouldn’t anyone, like Kjell, tell me about it? ”Hey, btw! We were thinking, and you really don’t need more than five hours of sleep, right?!” Yay, good thinking!

I found an education I find interesting. Now I have to sit down, think it through a thousand times and then maybe do something about it. I AM very impulsive, and I don’t want to do anything I might regret later. Better be safe than sorry, right?

a pool of red blood.
her lover says ”I stabbed her,
but she died smiling”

Home again. I feel really feverish, din’t like the fact that I had to work tho I said I have a fever coming. Hopefully I’ll still be able to work tomorrow, it will be harder to say I’m ill after been able to work for today. (even though I’ve been dizzy and all…)

Chatted for a while with my brother earlier too. That was my first task at work: ”Hey, chat with your brother!”, lol. He’s on his way home, he’s landing in Stockholm tomorrow morning. Good. I miss that li’l fella, and I could use his opinion on some things…

For the moment – I will take up my writing here again. I try to escape the one I am, and while doing that I also will try to abandon Helgon.net, if just for a few days. Just to …dunno… be with ME as much as possible. Try to make out what it is I want, and how I can get it.
Probably, it will be mostly whining and nagging and spamming here, but I don’t force anyone to read. (also, I am sorry about my bad english :/)

Stayed up almost all night and cried. I really don’t feel well. I loathe the way I get up every morning, get to work and then walk home again. Spending all my free time by the computer, and always these silly routines. I always pick out a coke from my refridgerator, always listen to the same music, always log in at Helgon.net, always the same! And I HATE it, truly I do. I need changes, I need something to think about. And now …I don’t know. Perhaps this is a bad idea, but that will show in time.
For the moment I feel newborn. And then I mean by intellect. I don’t KNOW anything. I have no education, no skills, no talents. I don’t do sports, I don’t sing anymore, I stopped playing the guitar, I never returned to writing, I just …evaded.

When I was younger, I had so many dreams. Sure, some of them were crazy and impossible to live out, but… I had them. I had goals. I had things I burned for, things I could make up plans about and try to reach. And now… I’ve stagnated. I just give and give, and it makes me feel so… dunno. Lame?

So. I will spend this day and some of the coming days to try to make up some plans. Try to find out something to do, and ways of making them come true. I want to reach out and grab a few dreams.

For the moment: Being au pair in the US, take a drivers licence, sell the apartment or hire it out…