When things get from bad to worse


The fever is a fact. I am freezing my sweet ass off and I am feeling way too hot, in a non-sexy way. I am weak and tired and my body aches. Not a very happy camper right now. Not in the least.

I bought a pretty pentagram in town. It is small and with something that reminds of an amethyst. Good stuff.

I am at my grandmother’s place right now. Watching really bad TV shows, but it makes her happy. Will go take a bath in a little while though, and hope that the hot water will make me feel better. Most of all I want to lie down to rest. Preferably in my own bed, but that is not a possibility. Miserable. I am, again, stuck in my head with all these thoughts.

Had a very good conversation with Amanda yesterday though. Helped me get some distance to everything that hurts me right now. It didn’t make everything magically allright, but it gave me some hope for the future. Thank you Amanda, and thank you Leo. You were both there for me yesterday when I needed you. I love you guys <3

Something wicked this way comes


The anxiety is back. Angst. Feeling ill and empty. I kept it off me for a day and now it is back with full force. I try to fend myself against it, but it keeps getting harder.
I am better than this.

Spent the night at Leo’s and Amanda’s. Much needed. I think I had too much tea though – cut me and I will be bleeding lemon and honey. Will be going into town with Amanda in a little bit. The plan is to find an item of jewellry, something to keep me reminded of home. Witch stuff. Granny Weatherwax. I am channelling. And now I am ranting, so never mind.

Going to my grandmother’s tonight. Bath tub. Much needed, I feel an urge to be surrounded by hot water and a regular shower just won’t do. Blub blub.

The week is almost at an end. Three days left. Right now I feel that I would need another month here to re-charge. I need to feel Gotland beneath my feet. This is where I find my strength that I so much need. …I am very needy right now. And complainy, for all that matters. I AM better than this.

I need to go back to where I was, mentally, the day before yesterday. I was the witch and I was the wood spirit and I was the ocean. Today I am nothing. I AM BETTER THAN THIS.

Feeling ill. I started coughing yesterday, and I keep feeling hot. Meh. Stop that, I am miserable enough without being ill to boot!

Ohwell. Off to town we go.

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